Yudany Lopez-- final post

What is the best approach to raise children?

Mothers are guardian angels regardless of their unique methods to guard their children. Society oftentimes portrays mothers as if they are all the same. That is a misconception. Mothers are dolls in all sizes and colors. Sometimes mothers are very caring and over protective to the point of spoiling their children. But my mother brought me up in a totally different maternal environment.
When my parents decided to take different paths in life my mother was too young and poorly prepared to be in charge of her-self and me. At the same time she was raising me, she was also learning how to survive in a world full of challenges. I was sent to school when I was only three years old. Like most little kids I was afraid of the dark but my mother made me go to the bathroom by myself. I would cry, but she would not come with me. She taught me that fear only existed in my mind and to get rid of it. She taught me how to roller blade on big roller blades, she taught me to ride a regular bike. She taught me to be strong at all times. When I was only six my mother taught me how to read, write and how to add, subtract, multiply and divide all in one night. From that day on I had to do my homework on my own. It was intense and I thought it was too early but I could not disobey her. While other kids would be playing around, I was reading or writing.
We came to the United States when I was thirteen. She did not want me to grow in the Dominican Republic because of the lack of progress in the country. My mother had high expectations for me. When I went to high school, one counselor told me it was going to be hard for me to perform well in a school that did not have a bilingual program and I could fail the grade. I was terrified but my mother made me go to that school. My mother never helped me with anything regardless of my schoolwork, but I must bring home excellent grades. I had to be the one responsible for my education and I had to be responsible to make my own decisions.
As I was reading the story “ The Sky is Gray “ by Ernest J. Gaines, I was astonished by the connection I discovered between James, the main character, and myself. While waiting to see the dentist, James’ tooth aches and he says, “Then I catch her kind of looking where I’m. I smile at her a little bit. But think she’ll smile back.” (Pg. 91) His mother feels sympathy for him, but does not express it to him. James is a boy of only eight years old growing up during the time period of Jim Crow. He was acting like a man to satisfy his mother. One time, as he is observing his mother, he says, “ I love my mama and I want put my arm round her. But I’m not supposed to do that. She say that’s weakness and crybaby stuff…”(Pg. 84). When I read this quote I had a spontaneous flashback to moments were I felt like hugging my mother but I did not because she is not the type of affectionate mother. He is afraid of the dark just as I was but his mother also made him confront his fear. He was hungry and cold and did not say anything. Always looking straight because his mother told him. It is hard for an eight-year-old boy to act this way. I thought of my childhood and sympathize deeply with him.
How can a story change you? “The Sky is Gray” is a story that shows the fears and intimidation of the black society due to racism and the era of Jim Crow. Just as my mother all of a sudden had to step out and raise me when she and my father separated, James’ mother had to step out and protect James after his father was sent to the army. James mother was training James to survive and to not be a victim of the Jim Crow era. Being aware that his mother’s approach to raise him was to prepare him for life and to survive and that she did it because she loves him made me see my mother’s approach to raise me from a different perspective. I understood that my mother loves me and that all she does is because of that maternal love and responsibility. My mother has been training me to be successful and be able to confront all types of circumstances. To survive in this society and in the United States as minority. It is hard to be a Latina and I realize that all my mother did and does is because she knows that to function well in this country and anywhere I go I have to be strong, independent and have a good education. The story opened my eyes and helped me to appreciate my mother more.
Even though James’ mother and my mother have similar approach to prepare us for life, they have their differences. The age and time period is very different and I have not experienced discrimination in the same way that James did. His mother was more concerned with mentally preparing him to keep him from getting in conflict with white people. As on the other hand, my mother has been preparing me to be successful in life and to function well in a society in which regardless of the fact that the Latinos are a minority, there are many opportunities to take advantage of. It has been a preparation to be independent, open minded and educated rather than to protect me from racial conflicts. The different purposes behind their methods of raising us also have a bigger impact. Different personalities were built and different paths were taken. The way James was being raised I predicted that would be independent and strong as well as a hard-working person. However, his mother has also taught him to be just a black person who knows his place and to not go against the white people. In terms of race, I have been taught that race is not a barrier for me. I have no limits; I only have to fight my way there with effort and a good education. The world and society for which we were trained is different.
As a kid during the Civil Rights Movement at an early stage one had a conclusive racial identity and awareness of what position in society that specific race had. Today, we still struggle with racism, but on a smaller scale. Now, as a kid, race is just a cultural identity. However, race, socioeconomics and background still does play a role on the approach the heart of a mother chooses to raise their child.
There is no school to teach mothers how to be a mother and there is no school to teach kids how to be kids it is a natural instinct that one follows and acquires through experiences. A loving and spoiling mother can makes life easier but their kids may or may not learn how to live life on their own. A strict and “cold” mother helps prepare their kids for life and to confront adversity, but love is also an essential component of ones happiness. What type of mother will I be? Time will tell, but I know I would not wan to follow my mother’s way of teaching. I wish to be a mother who can prepare my kids for everything and give them all my support and love at the same time.




Yudany Lopez